I'm worried

I always never left here, no matter how long is the gap but I will come back when I really needed. 

I think no one read my blog after so many decades. 

Friends are getting lesser, family issue never ended.

Work are getting stress.

Relationship also facing some hard time. 

I know all the facts above is about life, I know it's fucking normal. I do not know how to deliberate into details but I know everyone are facing the same issue during their life time in 20s.

I'm not perfect and I'm a person that think a lot, I mean fucking a lot. My brain can't stop functioning until i fall asleep and It take hours to fall asleep.

No matter what, I'm fucking glad that I still have a bunch of close friends and colleagues who supporting me.

You know what, everything that I wrote it here never go thru my brain, that why the sentences might not link to each other. The stories might ended suddenly and pop out again.

I felt cheated by his family, the feeling never faded from my heart, no matter how long the case has been happened. But never, I just can't letting go without any anger.

I do not want to lie to myself, I never ever forgive and forget. I'm learning all these while but Nope. I just have to fucking admit that I'm not a great person nor god.

So many things, so FUCKING many things I know I have to learn I know I have to let go, I know I can't do anything after its happened. But My hand never let it go, my mind never forget.

So what can I do? and why should I lie to myself? 

--------------------------------

Recently he is getting busy. He went to Johor to have some business discussion and the day after that I have never meet him up...

Reason? He started to kick start his planning. But I do not know why I'm feeling struggling. 

I'm suppose to be fucking happy that he is doing something big that will make our future more stable.

But I'm upset because I know the priority going to drop.

Yesterday he went to entertain until 1 a.m.

Today he went to dinner for entertainment as well...

He always by my side not matter how and when I need him.

But now, no matter how much I need him, I could not even call him.. Because I know he will sad and lost whether he shall do such decision (to kick start his plan) because he always care about me.

He scare of losing of me.

He care about my feeling

and that why I cannot said a single word.

NEVER!

但愿 苦尽甘来

我不知到过后我会不会一年后， 来告知单身。

希望一切安好。