I'm worried

I always never left here, no matter how long is the gap but I will come back when I really needed. 

I think no one read my blog after so many decades. 

Friends are getting lesser, family issue never ended.

Work are getting stress.

Relationship also facing some hard time. 

I know all the facts above is about life, I know it's fucking normal. I do not know how to deliberate into details but I know everyone are facing the same issue during their life time in 20s.

I'm not perfect and I'm a person that think a lot, I mean fucking a lot. My brain can't stop functioning until i fall asleep and It take hours to fall asleep.

No matter what, I'm fucking glad that I still have a bunch of close friends and colleagues who supporting me.

You know what, everything that I wrote it here never go thru my brain, that why the sentences might not link to each other. The stories might ended suddenly and pop out again.

I felt cheated by his family, the feeling never faded from my heart, no matter how long the case has been happened. But never, I just can't letting go without any anger.

I do not want to lie to myself, I never ever forgive and forget. I'm learning all these while but Nope. I just have to fucking admit that I'm not a great person nor god.

So many things, so FUCKING many things I know I have to learn I know I have to let go, I know I can't do anything after its happened. But My hand never let it go, my mind never forget.

So what can I do? and why should I lie to myself? 

--------------------------------

Recently he is getting busy. He went to Johor to have some business discussion and the day after that I have never meet him up...

Reason? He started to kick start his planning. But I do not know why I'm feeling struggling. 

I'm suppose to be fucking happy that he is doing something big that will make our future more stable.

But I'm upset because I know the priority going to drop.

Yesterday he went to entertain until 1 a.m.

Today he went to dinner for entertainment as well...

He always by my side not matter how and when I need him.

But now, no matter how much I need him, I could not even call him.. Because I know he will sad and lost whether he shall do such decision (to kick start his plan) because he always care about me.

He scare of losing of me.

He care about my feeling

and that why I cannot said a single word.

NEVER!

但愿 苦尽甘来

我不知到过后我会不会一年后， 来告知单身。

希望一切安好。

Hi, This is the moment

Oh god! At last I'm done with the hardest paper in ICSA ( rumors said so).  I'm so so happy and I wish to burn all my paper XD. I can't do so until I confirmed that I passed.

So anything happened recently? Let me think...... I'm good to go. Just exam made me crazy but I always know I'm going to do this. Because Owen Yap ( 叶剑锋 ) said : “如果已经决定出发，就不要把生命浪费在犹豫上。如果真的决定要开始一件事，就让自己开始。所有的成就，都源于一个勇敢的开始。” ​​​​

当你觉得无从选择，“勇敢”是最好的选择。

其实一直以来我相信我的坚持，我从来不曾怀疑过我自己要的东西，所以我一直以来都清楚自己要的方向。而我从来没有改变过。

我读书不强，不厉害，可是我还是很努力的从nottingham 毕业了。并不代表我厉害, 只是我死死都要毕业。我读书是有re-seat 从考的。没有高分过。可是我的成绩也不是在最低的那一批， 因为还是要少少面子所以很努力努力的读和背。

我考试考到哭，那种压力真的很崩溃。

I'm so happy that I passed my CFM paper and I decide to continue to take my Company Secretaryship for this coming December and it drop on 8th of December. Need to start pushing again.


I'm not sure whether I did gained my weight or because of my period.

I just want to record that now I'm 57kg. Oh my god! I increased 2 kg.....


I'm going to make sure I will drop to 54 kg by end of this month.


This is my target!

Exam Period

Hi! Almost half a year I did not post anything. I almost forget my password to this blog. God bless.

I'm going to have my CFM paper on coming Tuesday. 6th of June :)

Wish me luck guys.

I know I'm not suppose to waste any time to post in these time right now.

But I would like to Thanks to my babe. Mr. Cheah.

These few days, almost everyday I'm crying because of tension.

I'm not sure whether I can do this or not. But no matter how, I will just try my very very best then.

It's too tired to study and work at the same time. But this is the path that i choose. So, no regret.

This is a fast post because I will be back again after my exam. I want to release my words and show my passion bf how great he is. :)

Stay Tune. It's time back to my book.


Even though I know there's no reader here but I will post and record my special moment once in a while.

Soon our 3rd anniversary will be arrived.


Oh Ya! My Friend, Goldfish Lim is in a relationship now! How surprise :)


Lovely dovey.


Ciao!

又有谁想过回来？

哈咯，好久不见

我回来了。。。 你们呢？

越长大发觉越少人的团聚。

因为多多少少不想去迁就不想去协调。

还记得以前的我们都很爱写blog ， 我很喜欢读别人的感觉和想法。 觉得很不可思议。

很好奇-- 总结来说我很在乎别人的想法啦。

可是不知不觉，反而自己离开了别人的生活。
我很念旧很容易回想当年可是我不想回去从前。

矛盾-- 就是人生啊。

希望每个人都幸福快乐吧。



如果你回来了。。。 给我一点信息吧。

Accident.

I never knew my blog became so famous after the incident happened. But I'm too forgetful to remember it. So I decide to do whatever I want or perhaps talk to anyone I like. (So Please stop asking me to talk to you if I do not want to, please.. leave me alone. I'm not free as your life wouldn't need to worry any shit and came to disturb people's life ) Ops, Sorry If I offend you. Because I don't mean to (at the first point) but you try to act like those ... never mind. So yea, as you now I will not talk to you and you know it is pointless to comment any shit at my blog because I just want my blog to be a private place to write crazy things. Things that I will not say to anyone. Things that I want to shout it out but I couldn't.

So please, give me some space. Don't interact the only place that I have ( when I really needed it). Because everyone has something they wanna to say, shout, complaint, swear in their life. At least, I want to tell you is - I will still respect you when we meet up. You might feel I'm FAKE but Hello, there are thousand type of human being in this world, you think everyone suit everyone? I'm might not your type of friends but at least, I give you the best of me - to respect you INFRONT of you.

Reality is being realistic. Don't tell me shit that you never bullshit someone's bad behind of their back. Everyone deserved to being back- step, because everyone BACK Step people! So whats the fucking matter ?

Do you think everyone like me? Wake up Child. Sometimes, even you realized something, you can just keep quiet and walk away because give some private place to people. Moreover, admit the shit you did. That's all i can say. If you were so lucky to come and stalk my blog again. God bless.. Stop coming back again, because you know you will never have any link with me. Perhaps, just forgive me, click the cross on your right upper top and leave. Just me back my private place, Thanks.

I really work hard on it but...

I never tell people about my background, about my family background.

I never show people whether I'm rich, poor either. I just love to keep quiet and have friends around me.

But recently I felt fed up with those friends who always talking about the money but Not about THE EFFORT, My theory is, if you never step further, you will never know.

Everyone - or maybe some of them thought that Its easy to work with family business.
Okay, Lets see like this - There is 2 situation in family business..

1- The parents love the child too much and let him to be lazy around without doing shit effort for his/her future.

2- Parents throw him/her to the other leader to learn new things and push her as much as they can.

Whatever I don't really want to show my pissed off issue right now.


If you love money go earn it with your effort! Stop complaining about your life when you don't even give it a try.


I work like a cow and take risk like a tiger. Did you know that? I might fall anytime anywhere but I'm not afraid. Don't Tell me Shit like " Wa, You very good LOH".. What you mean by LOH?!

Maybe I see things differently? Okay, No offence.. different people different thinking.

I need to pay this by myself, I'm not born to be a princess but a fighter. I told him, Money can earn again but experience will bring us further. Yes, I don't like gamble because I don't feel save to earn it back but about my future, You can't imagine how I'm gonna do with it. I've plenty of plans, and some of them might fail.


BUT I will just work hard on it.
So... Stop complaining about your life... when you're not working OT everyday, When you have so much benefits yet not satisfied. When its in your expectation yet you does not want to stand on it. When you can sleep until 11am to go for work. When you can leave your work at 3pm.


Yes, That's your choice.. So.. Stop complaining,

when we suffer, who saw that? People just thought .... aiya, now they so good lo. 

tengsim went into big company lo. ..

Who knows that those shit we went thru?

When I get scold by the manager? When we miss each other yet couldn't physical touch for months?

When I need to pick up shit from the sink?

When the boss blame us that we steal her money?

The detail couldn't be told.. reason - because that's much more to come.

If we can't do this... No way further we ccan go.

Love JESUS, Amen!

谢谢你，廷森。。

我们在这是个月里，狠狠得为自己加油，加得大家都累了，

我这个人不假，不爱兜兜转转，我会很坦诚自己的问题，可是你却总是体谅我的累我的苦。

回到家我不像其他小孩，吃个饭拍拍屁股就看电视，我却需要打工了以后还帮妈妈做家务，而你却拖着疲惫的身体和我一起的疲惫。

我们为对方做了自己最真实的自己，我们会在对方面前发脾气，我们会哭泣，我们会互相的去了解对方的想法，也会表达自己的意见，因为我们知道我们都需要对方的意见，而我庆幸得是我们都愿意听对方说话，我们就算再生气都好，我们平静了以后，我们都会说对不起。

对不起，我的脾气，对不起，我爱的你。因为你的爱让我知道我的品德需要进步，需要宁静的去思考自己的一刹那的愤怒。

你是我的一个爱的平平淡淡可是去轰轰烈烈的男人。当我觉得感情少了情感，我会告诉你而你的可爱样子却让我甜蜜死了。

你给我的乐趣，总是多的无法形容。我不是第一次和人牵手可是我希望可以和我白头偕老的人是你。因为如果你不放手，现在的你是我爱的。我不能担保以后。因为诺言太不可靠。然而我真的希望你是那位一直为我们，为自己加油而有上进心的男人。

我懂男人很累，可是我希望你清楚明白。

如果有天你倒了不要害怕-有我，

你经济上有问题不要怕-有我（我会和你再爬回上来）

相信我----我会尽力的去协助你。

我--会努力学会更多，让你自豪我的智慧和魅力。

我不能改变我的容貌--可是我的确保我有足够的能力去让你欣赏你的女人。

我爱你。

我在美国时我的容貌皮肤极度的糟糕-可是谢谢你爱我！